2010 & the Gift of Retrospect

I get a sinus burn the last week of every December. I have to squint and push on my face to make it stop stinging. It’s not the gas heat, or the abundance of glitter in my house stirred up by happy, jumpalicious children. It’s that when I’m quiet and still in the aftermath of the most wonderful time of the year, I can reflect on it coming to a quiet close and see a bigger picture.

365 little pictures as one big one. Cue exhale.

Cue smile. Cue ah-ha moments.

Cue tears.

It’s different than being in the thick of it because in the rear-view mirror, we connect dots and see patterns forming, we know at least a little more, and our perspective is gently shifted. A season of difficult days can now look completely different having learned something through it all. My Father’s beautiful hands are always all over it.

And that’s just a calendar year. Tie it to any range of time you want and the same is true. If I consider the past decade…oh good night, my chest starts heaving and tears flow within 10 seconds. I am not the same person I was on New Years Eve 2000. Thank God.

2010 was no exception either. It was kind of a wild card year for me. I entered it with a lot of hurt and a lot of hope. Every day was very much an exercise in walking by faith, as my foresight was shallow.

I recently started a post about the best stuff of 2010, but soon realized something I had not considered until about midway through: most of my favorite things about 2010 happened in the latter third of the year, during a time of feeling stifled and unable to write.

…all this goodness. provision. connection. answers to prayers years in the asking…

It was in those months of hurting in that capacity (yes, for me it hurts not to write), that God was doing a whole new thing in and around me, so good I couldn’t even get it out to share. And maybe that was God just telling me to be still and pay closer attention for that time. As I attempted to write my “best of 2010” … I couldn’t fit it in one post. The past few months, God has done big and mighty things, and almost everything that I was finding ‘favorite’ about last year, I have yet to share with you! And now, I’m sweetly motivated to do so, so my next few posts will be some “best of’s”.

I love that at a time when I felt an obvious personal deficit, the Lord’s hand was unmistakably at work in my family and my spirit, causing an overflow in those areas and forcing me to be still and listen and live…in many ways, for the first time in a long time.

As I shared with a friend over dinner last weekend, eye to eye, in hushed tones something I’d learned this past year, her eyes were rimmed with tears. Mine too, of course. And then our men started laughing and our heads whipped around. Good timing before the mascara & eyeliner were doomed.

My prayer is that my words come across as I would say them. As they are intended. With lots of heart and passion…my greatest challenge in the art of text.

Here’s to rear view mirror writing and reading.

Oh taste and see, that the Lord, HE is GOOD!

~ by hthr on January 14, 2011.

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