Defenseless at the grocery store

This morning, I had to pick up eggs & toilet paper at the grocery store. To get to the eggs, I have to walk past the yogurt case, where I always -always- do this mental cringe because yogurt – absolutely grosses me out. The last time I ate yogurt straight from a cup was when I was pregnant, when I ate it more than I care to think about. That is reason enough not to want it again. (Also why I don’t eat cooked oatmeal. Or wear v-neck tshirts.)

But it was probably the fact that I hadn’t had any coffee yet this morning that made me linger a little longer at the dairy roundabout. Because I stopped and stared down the yogurt case. And when I noticed the flavor “Vanilla Chai” I gave more focused attention and saw that it’s little neighbor friend was “Plum Honey Lavender”. This is not the yogurt I last knew in 2003.

I was sure that because of the modern packaging they would cost me at least a finger or toe, but they were only one dollar. I could get a small fry at McD or I could invest in my intestinal health with a cup of yogurt. Providing I could keep it down, that is. The text promised me that it would help support my heart, brain & eyes, and trust me, that got my attention because all three need help. Mostly the brain. As I spun the cup around in my hand, the back said, “Spoon. Savor. Stretch. Sigh. Trust calming notes of lavender to satisfy the senses and soothe the soul. Sweet.”

Somehow, the two yogurts dropped into my basket and I prayed a dry-heaving-event would not ensue upon this “soul satisfaction” I was about to experience.

Grabbed a dozen eggs and doggoneit there was the cookie dough case. I resisted (another) package of my favorite Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookie Dough. I have eaten enough of it this week already.

I vaguely heard Brian’s voice in my head say something about ice cream this morning and lo and behold: sale on ice cream. I looked at the flavors and the Lord provided the desires of my heart right there in front of my nose: Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookie Ice Cream.

Never heard of it.

Didn’t matter…after a gasp, I pulled the freezer door wide open to get what was -for real- the last one. And it was stuck between the metal shelving and other cartons beneath it. I thought my hand might freeze right off, I had such a grip on it, and was pulling and -oh, the surveilance video must be fascinating, like when they watch monkeys at the zoo- the whole frosty shelf started creaking and I was having to do this all one-handed because my basket & my purse were in the other hand and remember, I was only in this for eggs & toilet paper…

Now I’m home eating my yogurt. It’s not as much of a mini-vacation as I was led to believe, but I haven’t dry heaved yet. All I know is this, that ice cream will sooth my soul much more than any cup of yogurt ever will.

Looks like I’ll be wearing a swim-dress again this summer.

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~ by hthr on February 20, 2009.

9 Responses to “Defenseless at the grocery store”

  1. What brand of ice cream? I love oatmeal chocolate chip cookies/dough etc.

  2. It’s from Publix, so pretty soon you’ll be able to eat it as often as you want!

  3. hilarious. 😀

  4. Reading this as I down LOTS of frozen thin mints and a tall glass of milk. I will be wearing a swim dress, too : )

  5. You? a swim dress? I think not sista. I hate yogurt too! Totally a texture thing.

  6. i am not a yogurt fan myself. but I do love the flavor that tastes like an orange push-up from childhood. 🙂

  7. I totally need to find that ice cream!!! It sounds delicious. And I don’t have to worry about the swim dress, as I really don’t swim at all… I used to when I lived on the East Coast and the ocean was warm enough… alas, it is not so in California, unless you’re fully decked out in surfer gear.

  8. I can’t stand yogurt!

  9. […] on my kids and my role as a housewife. I was met with quite a few awkward moments but a particular discovery at the grocery made them all disappear. I started blogging about my friends on their birthdays (something that […]

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