Adventures in Green Hills

Brian & I never got up from the breakfast table this morning. We continued coffee and eggs with a “household planning meeting” that was actually more like a summit.

He’s been away for 3 days and got in late last night, so this morning I greeted him with 4 pages of thoughts I wanted to “share” and “discuss”. Welcome home.

It was a productive meeting. It went right into lunch in fact. And then before I knew it, it was 1:30. He is a tolerant man.

“Let’s go to the MALL” I told him. “Opry?!”

“Hmm…Green Hills? They have Apple.”

Cheesecake! Yes!”

So after an early supper at Cheesecake Factory, we made a pit stop for our daughter in the ladies room. It was the first time we let Taylor go in by herself in a large restaurant setting. We stood leaning against the wall facing the door so we could see in when it opened. The bathroom there has 4 stalls and there is never not a line. So as we waited for Taylor the line was naturally getting longer and a woman went ahead and just propped the door open. Sweet. Now we could see Tay in line.

A really heavy woman had gone in just ahead of her. I’m staring in this bathroom while the door is propped open and I notice that this same lady had some really nice running shoes just setting on the floor – not on her feet.

Brian – look – she isn’t wearing any shoes down there.” We both stood there staring. People were staring at us, staring in the bathroom. As we were, some clothes dropped on top of the shoes.

Did you see that?”

“Uh huh.” We just stared. More dropped. And more. “I wonder if she has a big screen tv in there. I heard of that once.” About another minute went by and then we saw a hand grab stuff up. And more.

“For real?”

“Mmm Hmm.” and then the girl she was with came and stood in front of the stall blocking our 8×24″ window.

I don’t know about you, but I would imagine stuffing a running shoe (uhh…2) in my underwear (?) would be pretty awkward. I couldn’t believe what I was observing. Maybe we should have said something, but we didn’t. I just had to think that she was going to be caught by some kind of beeper thing. 

So we get into the mall and go to Lucky. Avery immediately finds a cool clothing rack to crawl into and try to balance on. Not even two minutes into shopping and she’s already in trouble with her daddy-o. I took the plunge to try on my first pairs of Lucky jeans. No dice (and the Halloween candy is now in the garbage). However, if you’re interested – they have tons of bootleg dark rinse jeans on clearance. I’m just say’in.

Avery then decides that SHE has to go to the bathroom. (Did we not just do this 20 minutes ago?) Off to pbk we go, where upon sighting of a play kitchen, she forgets that “going potty” was on her “list of things to do immediately”. Nevermind the fact that our girls had a beautiful kitchen and never played with it. (I was actually hoping to get new quilts for the girls beds but when I asked a guy if they carried a specific one, his face lit up, he said he’d be right back, and – he never returned. And he didn’t acknowledge me again either. Did you know customer service is important to me? It is. We bought nothing. Not one cool thing. And I was ready too. Argh!)

Across the way to the mother store we went. Brian in the lead, Taylor sitting at a desk, Avery talking on a phone, and I taking my sweet time looking everything over (and liking the fact that I didn’t want a thing). Evidently our youngest does not recall having seen or used a corded phone before because she was pretending to talk on it and began walking away from the desk (she paces when she talks on the phone) pulling the ten-ish pound phone onto the floor with a resounding thud, enough to make Brian spin and some words to go through her head, although thankfully not exit her mouth. Some things, a mother just knows. Additionally, that is one solid phone. I would have to highly reccommend it.

“Let’s go where they can’t break anything.”

Victoria’s Secret!” My favorite. I must be am officially a glutton for punishment.

We are less than 10 feet and 1 minute into the store and turn around to see Avery dancing with a half-mannequin wearing a thong and mounted on a pole on rollers. We called her name to distract her but she just moved around the back and put her head under the bottom of the cut-off leg. Like a hat. Meanwhile, Tay, always an interested shopper yells to me and B, “MOM! What SIZE are you? Are you THIS?” and she holds up a 36DD bra.

Not yet I thought. Does she need glasses too? Mercy. You know what though? Taylor is the only person who tried to help me find anything in there, so I’ll throw her some credit for trying. They probably have my picture up in the break room anyway. If this woman comes in the store; don’t bother.

Ahh, the Apple Store. Let’s go there and get our tech on. It just occurred to me that the girls are grounded from the Wii and computer games and we just went there and told them to go play games while daddy dreamed a little. (But actually, the game they were playing was really cool – it was an I-Spy game. I’m totally putting it on their wish list.) What nice people there, and they didn’t even try to sell us anything.

I’m sensing a pattern tonight.

Off to ZGallerie, where again, no one greeted us (I don’t think we look like we bite or anything. What’s the deal?) Brian plunked down in a chair (that I did not like at all), and I tried to get him to sit on a couch with me and he refused saying it was “too ugly to even sit on.” I guess we have some issues to work out before we buy anymore furniture.

Up the escalator, and we got dropped at Starbucks. Ahh, finally! As we stood in line, a child in the corridor just 10-15 feet behind me let out a scream so shrill my shoulders immediately touched my ears, my hands flew up in surrender and out of my mouth, like lightning and without a filter came “OH dear God Brian, PLEASE just get the vasectomy already!”

“WHAT did you say?!!”

“You heard me.” I whispered.

“Okay.” He turned me around by my shoulders. “Why don’t you take the girls and go get cheesecake.”

Ain’t a trip to the mall just grand?

I guess I’ll also just mention that while we were waiting on the valet to bring the car, Avery, carrying the bag of cheesecake boxes decided to admire the night sky in circular motion by spinning with her arms out. Let’s just say centrifugal force is not necessarily friendly to pieces of cheesecake.

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~ by hthr on November 9, 2008.

2 Responses to “Adventures in Green Hills”

  1. Wow, that’s some shopping trip! And I laughed the entire time I read your post.

  2. […] everyday this week and … I didn’t. So I will attempt to recap for you because I think we left off at the Green Hills Mall, and thats all but a memory now. Now I have stories about the mattress store for you. That deserves […]

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