the great send off.

So Avery, our energizer child who never naps, napped on Tuesday. Wednesday she hit the Kdg classroom for a few hours. Friday…she & I were just home for the day. I had nothing planned after 10am, which i loved because I just wanted to be home with her. I was cleaning, doing laundry, we were playin around with the radio cranked and the doors & windows open … it was a good laid back day at home.

My mom called around 12:30 or so and I flopped down on the couch, leaned into our cushy pillows and propped my feet up on our 2-dollar coffee table while I talked to her. Avery wandered over after a bit and crawled up next to me, laying her head on me, wrapping her arms around me, and before i was even off the phone…she had drifted off to asleep hugging me.

I thought for sure Tuesday’s naptime was some golden gift from Above. And then that too? I know I’ve not been that good of a girl lately to deserve any kind of extra sweetness.

So I sat there, holding her while she slept. I tried not to move because I didn’t want to disturb her. I didn’t want this sweet rare moment to end just yet. I started to cry and I didn’t dare wipe my face.

I thought back to the day she was born…I remember telling my mom on the phone in the delivery room, “She has all this curly dark hair! you can’t even believe it!” and I remember how she laughed when I said so. And the tears came down again and they were hot and I smiled so big as they fell and I held my girl a little tighter.

After about 20 minutes I thought for sure she was going to start waking up. I thanked God for the special little week we’d had together … just the two of us … and then the tears came again, only this time they were faster falling because it occurred to me that we might not have this again for a while. I thought my heart would swell right then. I didn’t dare move.

An hour passed as we laid there on the couch, she far into dreamland and me reminiscing, and on the radio …

You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

I probably don’t even have to tell you that I began crying so hard my chest was heaving. I was trying to stop and I couldn’t. I didn’t make a noise aside from trying to catch air, but my whole body shook. She started to stir and rolled herself on top of me. She tilted her head way back so we were face to face with her eyes half open from sleep. She smiled this little half grin, leaned up and gave me a kiss, settled back down and fell back to sleep.

Another hour went by. The tears started and stopped many times, as Avery would rustle to move and then whisper “I love you mommy” in her sleep and I would just well up all over again. It may very well have been the best ending to our years at home everyday together that I could have ever imagined. I’m just so blessed and so grateful to have had this time with them.

My baby, asleep in my arms; from 6lbs at birth to 36 pounds headed to Kindergarten with a 5 pound backpack. It went too fast.

I really am gonna miss this.

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~ by hthr on August 16, 2008.

3 Responses to “the great send off.”

  1. Oh, wow. I can relate. I hold Ryan as she falls asleep for bedtime. Most nights I caress her face and whisper “I love you”. I just can’t seem to say it enough. Now, she says it, too and it is a wonderful feeling!

  2. Wow! This is great! You’re right it does go too fast! I loved the part about the 5 pound backpack!:)

  3. Well, thanks for making me cry, Heather! My mom posted the lyrics to that same song to her FB status on Monday (Josie’s first day of kindergarten).

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