because I have Google-juice & I’m gonna use it.

If you google something and end up at my blog, it tells me so behind the scenes here. Thats how I know that “sunburned eyeballs” are a real problem. Oh, you poor souls. Sadly, you get no help for that here.

Part of the “history of me” involves self-medicating my depression with shopping. Which wouldn’t have been as big a problem if I got a kick out of finding deals. But back then, I didn’t care much if something was on sale or not, just that it filled some sort of temporary hole in me before another sprung a leak somewhere else. Usually, by the time the shopping bag made it inside the house, it sat there unopened because most likely, I didn’t care anymore that I had bought it (or 10 of it), only that I hadn’t been embarrassed to leave the store without making a purchase.

Sad, but true. It turned out to be true to the tune of many tens of thousands of dollars. Yes, many tens. On credit cards, which are now cut up in a bowl on my bookshelf where I see them and remember.

There are many years between me and those days, but I remember alright. I remember why I don’t want to do any of that again. I don’t want to hide purchases from my husband and then bring them out a month later to say, “oh, I’ve had it a while” when questioned. I don’t want to  hide credit cards he didn’t know I had, still glued to the paper they arrived on, but each with ridiculous high balances. I don’t want to feel that guilt again. I remember being so afraid he’d leave me when he found out what I’d done and what I’d spent… It’s an exhausting amount of work to hide it all.

It’s been 33 months since we started FPU. That’s almost 3 years…and we’re almost done paying off our debt.

We have done so many different things to accomplish that. And now, only $7,500 stands between us & screamin’ about it to America…and we want to do it in the 3 year window. just because.

Lately, we’ve been selling stuff around the house. Having a garage sale is one thing, having the non-essential contents of your home up on craigslist and ebay is another. It was fun at first to see financial progress and clear the house out a bit. Then it got to be more embarrassing than anything. Of course, we know that nothing we’ve parted ways with will have been more important than the accomplishment of becoming debt free and knowing we will stay that way. It’s just that our house is looking more like a dorm room than ‘our home’ right now. And that has its moments. I have to remind myself it’s just stuff.

So in the interest of using search engines to my benefit, I wish to state that we have the queen size Sleigh Bed and the Master Chest from the retired Thomasville Elysee collection for sale. Both are in excellent condition and I can easily arrange a shipping estimate for anyone not local to central Tennessee.

If ever I loved stuff, this was the stuff I loved most. That is why it is last to go. Because at the end of all these years of working our asses off to get out of debt…I am so flippin angry that we had to do it in the first place. I think of where we could be versus where we are, literally 100k later. You wouldn’t know it to look at or talk to me. But inside, it eats me up. And yet, I’m excited too…more than I know how to express…it’s a very mixed bag of emotions.

Three years ago I prayed and asked God for the first time to remove from me this love of my stuff. These things I called my own that I thought would have made me happy, but ultimately brought misery to every corner of my life. I had never asked Him for anything like that before. I’d asked him for peace, protection, forgiveness, favor, and help…general kind of things. But this prayer was gut wrenchingly honest…I had never prayed like this. I had never spoken it out loud, until then, weeping on my hands and knees in the middle of my house. He was faithful to answer and take it from me then, and I continue to make that my prayer, and He continues to be faithful and answer.

So here’s hoping someone somewhere googles Thomasville Elysee and finds us. I love it, ya know…but not the same way I used to.

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~ by hthr on May 27, 2008.

6 Responses to “because I have Google-juice & I’m gonna use it.”

  1. Oh my goodness…you are SO CLOSE to being debt free!! Congrats and I’m really happy for you guys. You’ve definitely worked hard and I know you’ll feel so wonderful to have it all behind you with no more worries about debt. Yay!

  2. i hope someone buys your stuff for $7500! 😀
    by the way, thanks for being so transparent.

  3. I am interested in both pieces. They would need to go to zip code 48070 in Michigan. What are you asking for the two pieces?

  4. the furniture does NOT cost $7500!

  5. SOLD! The BED SOLD today!! Can’t even believe how excited I am! God is good!

  6. SOLD! The Master Chest is also SOLD! And when the check clears…we will be DEBT FREE!

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