It never fails, the best conversations start at bedtime.

My husband and I were talking as he was winding down the evening last night, checking his email for the fortieth and final time and I walked over to him to recap my day while I had a captive audience sitting upright rather than risking it with his head on the pillow. I told him a story which led into an incredible conversation. And before I knew it, it was nearly 1am. Feel free to join the conversation. It started something like this:

H: I heard something really sad today. A friend of ours is near foreclosure.
B: Oh noooo.
H: They say they’re okay. They’re trusting God for His will.
B just looks at me: yeah….but some people just say that.
H: they wouldn’t
B: i know. But don’t you think a lot of people do and they’re frustrated and mad on the inside?
H: i wasn’t mad about waiting for our house to sell.
B: hmmm. i was.
H: i knew you were called to be here, and I believed the house would go. yes, i wondered when but i knew it would be right.

there was a long pause as our focus changed a bit.

H: dont you just think we’re a bunch of selfish jerks?
B: what?
H: aside from being told that God cares for our concerns, I have a hard time believing it sometimes. Because we’re selfish and we do stupid stuff. And then what? We ask Him to deliver His emergency escape from the problem we’ve created. So why should He fix it? Why would He care at all?

And thats when it got interesting.

Here’s the deal. I’m going to try to make this as clean cut and simple as I can.

I can pray, “God, please protect us from any car accidents” and we’ll never know if He did or not. But the truth is, accidents happen. To Christians and ‘non-Christians’ alike, everyday, some of whom it’s fair to assume prayed asking for protection at some point. I have. Look what happened to Brian in February 2001. He walked away from it, with a scratch at his brow and glass powder in his neck & torso. He had an accident. He was in fact very much protected by the Hand of the Lord we believe. One of the other kids had a difficult recovery with a crushed pelvis.

Here’s another thought. My car. It’s 7 years old. Kinda like a roof at 15 years in FL you have to either patch or replace it. My window regulator broke a few months ago. We had it repaired and today, it went out again. If I prayed in faith “please fix the car” do you think when I go out there in the morning that the window that is stuck down inside the door will just *work* and go right up? I dont think it would. Stuff breaks. Of course He can fix it. But don’t you think He has better things to do? Why would He care about my car window when there are people really hurting, souls are on the verge of commitment and divine appointments are being made with people other than my mechanic.

Images in my mind of starving children have been haunting me. It’s what made me go, “ok. i’m small. super small. and I’m concerned about xyz and it’s all so stupid. because look at this child. I’ve never fathomed this.”

and yet, when i lay my head down and pray, I feel a calm and my only thought while praying is, “I care.” and I think, “Really God? Is that you? Or is that me, wishing it were you? Because I don’t want to be silly about this and get to the end of my life and think that I knew Your voice, when I only knew mine.” As if God would say, “Go for the 4 inch peep-toe mary-janes. they’ll look cute with jeans.” Really? Thanks!

It is possible. Quite possible, I suppose, that the best conversations do start at bedtime. With my husband when the house is quiet and we’ve had a couple hours to decompress from the day and then later in prayer when I ask God to speak to me so I know it’s Him. And it’s not so much about the shoes. Just that He cares and then a calm touches my heart and I know.


~ by hthr on August 18, 2007.

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