Random Poolside Thoughts

How fast can that lifeguard move off her station?

What kind of swimsuit would Jesus wear? What would he choose for me?

I wonder if I could hit someone’s wireless from here. That would make this pool experience perfect.

Observation: different types of pool visitors…
1. The READER. This pool-goer tans while he/she reads a book and prefers to be left alone. They never seem to sweat and they don’t speak to you unless you initiate conversation en route to the restroom.

2. The TANNING-ONLY type. They are usually greased to the nines. Most often if the girls are laying on their stomachs, their tops are untied. They only open their eyes if you are blocking their sun b/c they can feel it – not because they saw you (and then somehow, they make you feel as though you owe them an apology….you know, for standing there.)

3. The STUNT MAN. These are usually boys age 14-18, who congregate at the diving board and try to out-do each other. Sometimes you can tag a few girls into this category. They are almost always loud, over-reactive and fawn all over the stunt-boys (between calls on their cell phone).

4. NEW (TO THE) POOL (AS A) MOMMY. This pool-goer is a wonderful addition. She is aware of everything and everyone around her. (wait, what? I think I just gave myself away). She sits with her feet in the pool so she is at the ready when her child needs a splash wiped off her face. This mom is usually seen wearing shorts or a swimdress. Thats just how we roll (or cover the rolls).

5. The ETERNAL PARTY-GOER. These people don’t swim. They don’t even take off their coverups or tshirts, they just take up chairs and watch their stunt man sons & daughters play in the pool. They are happy. They are loud. And you will always be able to identify these people because their cooler has wheels and it is parked no more than 18 inches from arms length.

6. THE PRINCESS. Her story goes like this, “Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, I fit into this bathing suit. And in my mind, I still do.”

7. The “LIFER”. There are some folks aged 65+ who never heard of sunscreen or any reason why you shouldn’t bake yourself to a crisp. These members of pool society are right at home on the pool lounger. They have never worried about their swimwear because they don’t care what you think. Some can be seen in strange, contorted positions, which is a little unnerving, considering their age and UV intake. It’s pretty obvious they have been there a while and aren’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon, so don’t sit & wait for their chair to come available.

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~ by hthr on July 5, 2007.

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