Grumpy & Needy but still wanted

My devotional today very simply reminded me that intimacy with God takes time. A lifetime, really. It’s more than a desire, it’s also an investment. When I think of a close friend, I see that over the past few years we’ve gone from comparing the price of bananas at the store to sharing fears and hurts, sometimes while hysterically crying parked in the driveway. We wouldn’t have done that the first week we met. It took time. Desire at both ends to create and hold a meaningful friendship and the effort to keep it up. Relationships are hard sometimes and very complex.

Our Creator has invited us to pursue Him. This is something that takes time. Not just years of a ‘good morning. please get me through the day. thank you for my house, family & food’, but much more than that. It’s not hard. It just seems to require being humble and honest. Really honest. I mean, who are we kidding, right? Sometimes just acknowledging something out loud is half the battle and then we can begin to work through it…with help, of course!

I have been pretty grumpy the past few days. I haven’t been having quiet time lately and I know that’s most of the problem. Sunday I was praying and said to the Lord, “I miss you!” and I felt like He said “I miss you TOO! Talk to me!” and I replied, “Ok, how about later tonight?” And the reply was very clear – “Nooooo, NOW!” I didn’t hear it in a demanding voice but almost like a whiny kid, although I hesitate to refer to Him that way (I guess I’d heard enough whining already that morning). I welled up with tears. How dare I? Who do I think I am?

Why do we always delay? procrastinate. put God at the bottom of the list? It’s so easy I guess. He’s not sitting across from me at the table. He’s not needing MY help with anything. I’m the one always in need, coming to him at my convenience. Friends like that drain me, and I realize that must be how I sometimes look to the Lord. Everything in my life does not need to be scheduled. Good reminder…


~ by hthr on May 17, 2006.

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